Optimistic?

I'm surprised you even know how to fucking spell it.I was told recently by a new "boss" of mine that pessimism is kind of like an occupational hazard when you're a journalist. I'd agree, but I wonder are pessimists born or developed? Does being a journalist make you pessimistic or are all journalists pessimists to begin with? It's an interesting thought. I think I've always been one and perhaps that coupled with my interest in writing has pushed me to the profession. Now I'm not saying that journalism and homosexuality are on the same level, but its the same concept......nature or nurture? I'm feeling more and more stifled by the campus here......I really hope I get my internship in Madison this summer....it would be a nice change from here and sweet ol' west bend....at least in Madison I won't run into people I hate running into, and no meg, that does not mean you.....I always love running into you. Honestly though, I really love Madison, every time I'm there its a good time, however part of that is due to the fact that Im usually with Shweebs. I'm excited to go the the festival, and am planning on living off of palmeni for the entire weekend.I'm tired and gassy and im going to bed.By the way.....those of you who stopped using your blog........knock it the fuck off...i like reading them.

A change...

I have a list....a list of things that I do, that I don't want to do anymore. I'm not telling you what this list is, infact I'm not telling anyone what this list is....at least not completely. I have a good relationship with my Dad now....step one. I talked to him saturday about everything....EVERYTHING. I want a parent that I can talk to, that can offer advice to me, and that understands what im going through. I guess I felt like I could have had that if my mom were around, but shes not, so therefore things were incomplete. But I was fooling myself into thinking that she would have all the answers....the right ones....but no one does. I told him I wanted him to be a part of my life, and not just paying for it. In the past id been afraid of telling him much of anything because i thought he didnt have faith in me.....i guess he does, he just doesnt show it. But he knows how i feel now, and I know i can come to him when i have a problem.I've started taking a multi-vitamin......perhaps this is step 1.5.....(really i dont know how many steps there are, but im making a change, for the better) Anyhow, i felt like my brain doesnt work as well as it has in the past. I used to have one fucking steel trap of a brain, and now.....things just kind of fall through the grates, like jello in a strainer. There's residue there, but the bulk went down the drain. I noticed it when i was in the office sunday night and i couldnt remember if you spell out the word ten or type 10....that was something that was ingraned in every journalism student like the 2nd day of media writing... B12 and B6 vitamins are benefical for memory retension and as of today im getting 100% every day.I was pleasant the other day.....agreeable, not argumentative and i was told that someone said of me that i wasnt "acting like myself." Wow. Wowie wow wow. Apparently me being nice is not expected of me and me being a bitch is commonplace......thats horible!Something im having a really hard time breaking though is my procrastination. Its 12:49 right now, i have a 5.5 page paper due at 9:40 am and Im still on the first page.....This is gonna be hard....really fucking hard. Why cant i just do my work the evening before or for big stuff, a few days before instead of the day of or the night before? ugh....back to work