Nostalgia?

Being home feels strange after been away for a few months.I got home and had to hear the sweet sounds of Godsmack blasting through the doors of the bar in front of our house... I dont miss that. To counteract the ear bleeding crap seeping through the windowpanes I put my record player back together, which was a trip in itself. Sorting through all of my records and remembering exactly where they came from and why some of them were given to me. But while putting together my stereo i found all of my old yearbooks... it was so strange to see all of these people that I had forgotten. People like Dan and Tyler who were the bain of my existence for my freshman and sophomore year. Or seeing girls who once were so clean and proper and now have children...so strange. I looked at all of my yearbooks. I looked exactly the same until my last year...i think the blue hair may have had something to do with it...maybe not. My face changed too. Not by much though. I feel like I look so much different now, maybe its age, maybe its the fact that I feel like I fit my body, maybe its because alot of what ive gone through i've internalized aging me more in the past two years than the past six has.Seeing pictures of ex-boyfriends was equally as strange...but i cant put a finger on why. Perhaps its the lack of contact ive had with them. Who knows. The snowball pics were a fucking trip. You gotta love having the same hair as your date...especially when you and your date are king and queen.I dont know if i miss high school at all. I know some of my friends really do, some really dont. I think im indifferent. The experience was what it was, and at least in some part made me who I am. But would i go back if i had the chance? I dont think so. My group of friends were so frustrated with the area, the school, with each other that if we were stuck together more, we'd kill each other. Seriously. I bet susan would have fucking shanked someone by now.This place doesnt feel like home anymore...it feels like a home, but its less and less feeling like my home.

Yawn.

I don't think I've been more tired in my entire life than I am today. But it's worth it.Fuck. I gotta go to work.

Issues.

I'm at home again, second time in two weeks. I'm mostly collecting my crap and switching cars, but sitting here is making me twitch. I keep looking out the front window thinking I see headlights coming up the culdesac, and then nothing. What exactly am I waiting/looking for? Nevermind. I know exactly what I'm looking for, but that's not happening. I really don't even want to be here. A huge part of me wants to drive back up to oshkosh and sleep there tonight. But that would be irrational, and a waste of gas seeing as how I still need the truck. I hung out with Walter today. It was awkward and uncomfortable and I kinda wish I wouldnt have done it, cause I wasn't ready for it. Not at all. And at this point, I don't know if I ever would be.I've been thinking recently about whether or not I can trust someone. How can you trust someone 100%? A good cynic would say that you cant, or at least that you could never know for sure. I know many a couple that hide so many things from eachother. I don't like that, no sir. So I think, how trust? And I've decided something, in order to trust someone, completely, you need to have faith in them.Here's the plan for the rest of my evening:Drink a hand grenadeFinish watching Saved!Play guitarCry myself into a comaWell, maybe not the last one, but it's one of those kinda nights. Shitty, boring, too quiet. Fucking headlights...

Exhale (what comes next?)

The Walter chapter of my life is now officially closed. We talked last night, and I think that now that everything has been said and done, it was one of the most sane breakups I've ever had (not really, but the aftermath was far less painful). We both now know what we did wrong, and in the future how to keep that out of new relationships. It was polite, and not the sarcastic kind of polite, but the kind where we figured out that it all doesn't work and just wanted to let the dust settle. We might still talk, but who knows if we could be friends in the future.It feels like I finally pulled the giant monkey off my back, like after that conversation, that the pressure I've been feeling for weeks has finally released.So, what comes next?I really don't know.I've been thinking about what I want to do after college. I'm 100% sure I don't want to stay in Oshkosh. I already feel like I'm dry rotting here. I've established myself as a photographer...but I want to do more with it. Photojournalist? Maybe. I'm working on becoming a better writer...taking baby steps at least. I feel bad for pestering Mike about my script for the past week. I guess I'm just really impatient about it... actually, I am in general, and I don't like it.This week I fit back into jeans I wore in high school. Jeans that I haven't been able to wear since spring semester of last year when I dropped a lot of weight...that's really quite exciting to me cause I was afraid that me gaining weight back would be stuck there forever but its not, as long as I put effort into it.Oh, and for all of you that enjoy shitty music, check out Lil' Mama's "Lip gloss" its a fucking masterpiece.

Something Funny Happened on the Way to Bed...

Ok, about to turn in...Had random thought about blogs i hadnt read in a while....Ran across these gems....The Five Stages of Grief:1. Denial - Shit aint real, son...2. Whiskey - Internally, externally, whatever...3. New Found Glory - I'm pretty sure step three is New Found Glory...4. Anger - Generally facilitated by step 2...5. Baggage - You gotta have something to torment the next girl with...-And-Me: Vista, let me change the default user.Vista: MEEP! Nope. Can. Not.Me: Please, stop alerting me everytime anything runs. Disable alerts. Click.Vista: ALERT! Are you sure you want to disable alerts?Me: Yes.Vista: Reboot! Allow me to spontaneous reactivate alerts by alerting you that I'm throwing alerts.Me: Vista, SAFETY DANCE.Vista: S-A-F-E-T-Y. Look at your hands. Reboot please.Me: Are you sure you're Premium?Vista: Yes, Basic comes with a built in ballpuncher.Me: Vista, download pr0n. Erection, stat!Vista: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!Man I love Harvey...

Ah yes, ain't that fresh

I have really come to love Arrested Development. The characters are all just so wonderfully hilarious. I want to be able to write a story with that much color but I just dont feel inspired. I dont hang out with or know all to many wildly rediculous people. Erika has her mom, which has inspiried piles of stories. I read Ryan's roomate Tyler's Bat Killa story as well as his other posts on facebook which too are just wonderfully hilarious. (Side note: he should really consider a minor in creative writing) Maybe I'm not meant to write about humor seeing as how most of my life hasnt been deffined by hilarious moments, but instead by moments that are both tragic and dissapointing. Heh, we'll see what happens there.I need to get more organized. For the longest time Ive been one of those students of chaos theory, and it works pretty well until I have a deadline for something that requires me finding paperwork in my room. So perhaps I'll just clean my room.....or at least keep it clean until I move to my new place where there will be more room to shove stuff in to my floor to ceiling mirrored closets.....I know you're jealous, its ok. Imagine the possibility of mirrored closets, I know I can, and its awesome!I am so totally ready to move out and into our new place. My room is not very conducive to hanging out, nor is the main room. It looks nothing like a living room. And my bedroom is good for nothing more than laying around in my bed...fun. Less than two months away.I took my bike out for a ride today, all the way up to the vinnies on bowen. I needed another picture frame and i picked up this super ugly coffee cup that I plan to grow some foliage in. For those of you that dont know, the first monday of every month is 1/2 off everything in the store. So i got my sweet coffee cup and my picture frame for the low low price of 53 cents.I'm kinda sad that I havent gotten a call back from Kevin yet about working on stuff for next year, but perhaps hes busy with his internship. I really wish i would have gotten one, but to be quite honest, i did not try all that hard.

Iceland....really?

I was given the opportunity recently.....well, the option more like it, to go to Icleand for a music festival. One of the bands that I interviewed last semester was from Iceland, and their lead singer is a journalist/writer. He used to work for a publication called the Reykjavik Grapevine and the Grapevine is looking for writers for this festival. Bart, since hes a wonderfully helpful person wanted to know if I was interested and if he should pass my name along to the editors. Music festival.....Icleand.....Indie bands......would you say no?I sure as hell wouldnt. So Bart's talking to his editors, the only problem is Iceland Air usually sponsors the flights for the writers to Iceland. And because I'm from such a small publication, they didnt know if the airline would sponsor my flight....so we'll see what happens.The festival is in October, and i just looked up the list of bands, and although I've heard of alot of them, I've listened to barely any. So, in the spirit of being prepared, and enjoying new music, I'm picking up stuff on the following bands:Icelandic Bands:AMPOPBenni Hemm HemmBenny Crespo's GangDiktaEsjaFM BelfastGavin PortlandGus GusHjaltalínJeff Who?MammútMotion BoysmúmRetro StefsonReykjavik!SeabearShadow ParadeSignSprengjuhöllinSteed LordUltra Mega Technobandið StefánEbergKira KiraLay LowMugisonMy Summer as a Salvation Soldier (Þórir)Ólöf ArnaldsPétur BenInternational Bands:!!! Annuals Best Fwends Bloc PartyBonde do Role Boys in a Band Chromeo of Montreal Ra Ra Riot Buck 65 Jenny Wilson Thats alot 0' music....Im starting with the international bands.....of Montreal, Ra Ra Riot and Bloc Party are my first three......Can someone get burned out on music?? I sure hope not!