Nostalgia?

Being home feels strange after been away for a few months.I got home and had to hear the sweet sounds of Godsmack blasting through the doors of the bar in front of our house... I dont miss that. To counteract the ear bleeding crap seeping through the windowpanes I put my record player back together, which was a trip in itself. Sorting through all of my records and remembering exactly where they came from and why some of them were given to me. But while putting together my stereo i found all of my old yearbooks... it was so strange to see all of these people that I had forgotten. People like Dan and Tyler who were the bain of my existence for my freshman and sophomore year. Or seeing girls who once were so clean and proper and now have children...so strange. I looked at all of my yearbooks. I looked exactly the same until my last year...i think the blue hair may have had something to do with it...maybe not. My face changed too. Not by much though. I feel like I look so much different now, maybe its age, maybe its the fact that I feel like I fit my body, maybe its because alot of what ive gone through i've internalized aging me more in the past two years than the past six has.Seeing pictures of ex-boyfriends was equally as strange...but i cant put a finger on why. Perhaps its the lack of contact ive had with them. Who knows. The snowball pics were a fucking trip. You gotta love having the same hair as your date...especially when you and your date are king and queen.I dont know if i miss high school at all. I know some of my friends really do, some really dont. I think im indifferent. The experience was what it was, and at least in some part made me who I am. But would i go back if i had the chance? I dont think so. My group of friends were so frustrated with the area, the school, with each other that if we were stuck together more, we'd kill each other. Seriously. I bet susan would have fucking shanked someone by now.This place doesnt feel like home anymore...it feels like a home, but its less and less feeling like my home.

Yawn.

I don't think I've been more tired in my entire life than I am today. But it's worth it.Fuck. I gotta go to work.

Issues.

I'm at home again, second time in two weeks. I'm mostly collecting my crap and switching cars, but sitting here is making me twitch. I keep looking out the front window thinking I see headlights coming up the culdesac, and then nothing. What exactly am I waiting/looking for? Nevermind. I know exactly what I'm looking for, but that's not happening. I really don't even want to be here. A huge part of me wants to drive back up to oshkosh and sleep there tonight. But that would be irrational, and a waste of gas seeing as how I still need the truck. I hung out with Walter today. It was awkward and uncomfortable and I kinda wish I wouldnt have done it, cause I wasn't ready for it. Not at all. And at this point, I don't know if I ever would be.I've been thinking recently about whether or not I can trust someone. How can you trust someone 100%? A good cynic would say that you cant, or at least that you could never know for sure. I know many a couple that hide so many things from eachother. I don't like that, no sir. So I think, how trust? And I've decided something, in order to trust someone, completely, you need to have faith in them.Here's the plan for the rest of my evening:Drink a hand grenadeFinish watching Saved!Play guitarCry myself into a comaWell, maybe not the last one, but it's one of those kinda nights. Shitty, boring, too quiet. Fucking headlights...